Parallel Universe – IV

This time its Roman

MSD reveals master plan to take ODI series against England

Speaking to the press earlier today, Indian cricket team captain and renowned model – Mahendra Singh Dhoni revealed his master plan to beat England in the ongoing ODI series between the two teams. “Basically, we went back to the drawing board” MSD said. “We are counting on using the recently introduced rule changes to our advantage”. The Ranchi Ransacker went on to explain – “We want to finish the series before England understand the new rules”.

Dhoni elaborated on how the Indian team has been using information technology to decipher the new set of rules before the competition does. “Clichéd as it sounds; our boys are really good with computers. Sree, for example, has been using comps to remix Malayalam pop since he was 5.” “We will make them grovel” said MSD with his trademark grin ^TM, as a nostalgic Tony Greig looked on. “Obviously we are not early adopters” remarked Tony Greig with a hint of regret in his tone.

Former England captain Nasser Hussain, was unfazed though, and claimed that the English team will beat India to it, and will work as hard as donkeys if that is what it took to get a hang of the new regulations.

Team Anna sued for copyright infringement. Congress (I) claims moral victory.

In a turn of events which cannot be called totally unexpected, Team Anna was served legal notices by tennis star Anna Kournikova’s agents and two of her fan clubs. “We are not A-OK with these people calling themselves ‘Team Anna’. We are Team Anna, and we have been Team Anna since 1997.” Ms. Kournikova’s (Or Mrs. Iglesias’; who really knows, who really cares) agent said. Rebutting the statement, a representative of Mr.Hazare mentioned that his team never really called themselves ‘Team Anna’, while cursing Times of India for getting them into this mess in the first place.

The fans of Ms. Kournikova were irate. A spokesperson for the fan club mentioned that key search words such as “Anna Hot” and “Anna Bikini” have been yielding extremely disappointing results on Google lately. “Our sentiments have been hurt” the spokesperson said.

The Congress (I), in the meantime, claimed a moral victory in light of these events. “We have been vindicated” A congress stalwart tweeted. In a press briefing, the CWC representatives remarked that copyright infringement and identity theft are greater global issues, and judging by India’s poor track record at both, Team Anna has brought further shame upon the nation. “We have a very responsible approach to these issues”. A congress (I) spokesperson said. “We are very particular about using the bracketed I in our party’s name, in order to avoid confusion”.

Iranian President in diplomatic faux pas

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmedinejad found himself becoming the butt of jokes across the civilsed world yet again, after committing another faux pas without even knowing what ‘faux pas’ means. During an official visit to Dubai, Mr.Ahmedinejad was asked how he felt about Jews. The president replied by saying – “I love juice. I like apple juice and orange juice, but mixed fruit juice is my favorite”. The statement caused a huge uproar across the Arab world, and Iran, which for some strange reason claims not to be part of the Arab world. The Israeli government, however, was not excited by the statement. The Israeli foreign minister said – “Well, we don’t love him back”. Obviously this one isn’t going anywhere.