Parallel Universe – 3

Lokpal, come and get me

Dravid’s snub to BCCI inspires many to follow suit

Rahul Dravid’s decision to quit ODIs and T-20s shortly after his inclusion into the Indian squad for the limited overs matches against England has inspired several of his peers to snub the BCCI thusly. Leading the pack was former India cap and Gujarat stalwart Devang Gandhi. Gandhi made the announcement while speaking to local media at the ribbon cutting ceremony at a new Dhokla joint in Ahmadabad. After answering the press’ questions, Devang said ‘I have one last thing to say folks’ ‘I am making myself unavailable for selection for all forms of cricket’. Before the press reps could react, a visibly perplexed Devang added ‘Or …umm…maybe…wait…I am still available for ODIs and T 20s.’

A very different and otherwise inspired move from VVS Laxman followed shortly. Laxman, currently on tour in England, announced via twitter (@vangipurupuvenkatasai) that he is making himself unavailable for brand endorsements of all sorts with immediate effect. In related events, Joginder Sharma made himself unavailable for commentary assignments, while Greg Chappell made himself unavailable for coaching jobs in India. According to our sources, Lalit Modi is soon expected to make a similar announcement, and make himself unavailable for all BCCI offices.

BJP turns to digital media to turn on the heat on the government

Stepping up the offensive on the ever faltering UPA-II government, the BJP today launched a full-fledged digital offensive on the incumbents. The campaign started with a cryptic MMS which was received by several high ranking congress leaders this morning. We have managed to get a copy of the said MMS.

Commenting on the campaign, a spokesperson for the BJP said that the attempt is to woo the youth of the nation. “It’s all about having more street cred than the rivals. We are turning our hustle on with a revamped media policy and also a revamped vocabulary…word up!!” The spokesperson said that the use of MMS is a Quentin Tarantino-ish symbolic move, because the letters MMS are the PM’s initials as well. “The government is on the back foot, and has not responded to our pokes on facebook” another senior BJP leader commented today. “The social networking sites Facebook and Orkut are part of two-pronged strategy ” The leader added. “While facebook will address the urban masses, through Orkut we hope to strike right down to the grass roots”. A congress spokesperson told the media that the party was now missing the services of Shashi Tharoor. Tharoor is reportedly recovering from a twitter burnout. “He has suffered a serious concussion to his middle finger”. A source within the congress said. “It is hardly a surprise” said the congressman. “Everybody even remotely associated with the IPL has suffered some form of burnout or the other”.

Naxalite leader Kishenji auditioned for MTV Roadies

Naxalite commander Kishenji today sent shockwaves all around by disclosing his real motive behind becoming a naxalite. In a telephonic interview with Simi Garewal, the self-proclaimed revolutionary broke down and complained that he was rejected by Raghu Ram when he auditioned for MTV Roadies. “Actually mein roadies mere liye sab kuch hai” “Main apne aap ko prove karna chahta tha ki mere andar mein roadie spirit hai”. Kishenji disclosed that Raghu called him a “Chut**a” after he failed to do push ups during the audition. “I was really disappointed. I wanted to perform tasks and win a Hero Honda Karizma.” ‘If I can’t have a good time, no one should, and that’s why I became a naxalite”. Kishenji’s associates disclosed that the rejection has left a deep emotional scar on their leader. “He still has nightmares about the show, and often wakes up in the middle of the night screaming “Mere mein hai..main prove kar ke dikhaunga” . The government is understood to have taken a cue from this revelation, and has requested Raghu Ram to let Kishenji be a part of the next season of Roadies. Raghu was at his polite best in his response to the request. “Beh***od kya Ch****pa hai ye”. He said. “Is show par waise hi Ga***duon ke kami hai kya jo ek aur ga**du ko le kar aana padega?”